What a difference a year makes.

Today, on a whim, I decided to look at my blog. I haven't written, felt like writing, or looked at my blog in a long time. I got to this site and realized my last post was exactly one year ago today. Wow. A year ago today I was wrestling with some really tough choices I had made. I knew they were the right ones, but boy were they hard to stick to. I left a place that I considered home for almost 30 years. I left friends, people I thought would always be in my life. I left people so close to me that I considered them family. It was a decision that I wrestled with for a long time before I made it. It was hard to walk away from something that meant that much to me, but harder still that no one seemed to care. I needed to get away and clear my head. I needed to learn what it meant to be a true friend. The people that stayed closest to me after I left, are the ones who taught me the most. I decided that for the next year I wouldn't read books, or listen to sermons that were based on trite Christian platitudes. I hated them. The idea that God won't give you something more than you can handle is laughably untrue, and not biblical. I was tired of people telling me that God would bring me a great guy and life would be fantastic. As if that's the answer to all the worlds problems. A year ago I was in a really negative place. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm a happy, bouncy person now. I may never be that person ever again. I see the world differently than I did when I was younger. Bad things happen. No amount of praying, or doing what God wants, or being a "good Christian" will change that. I have tried to stop throwing around verses that God says to one person, one time in the bible and now people apply to themselves because they like the way it sounds. I'm trying to look through the bible and see who God really is. Not just who I want him to be. Today I realize that although walking away from a place I called home was one of the hardest things I've ever done, it was also one of the smartest. It allowed me the room to breathe, and think for myself. I also got the opportunity to cut off some of the bad parts of my life that were weighing me down. I feel better and more free than I have in a long time. And I'm still not convinced that a guy would solve any more problems than he would add to my life! ;)