Changes

Lately, I've been really struggling. There's this song by Aaron Shust that says "I won't be shaken by drought or storm." I never understood the drought part of it. I never understood the difference between a drought and a storm. Storms I can weather. I've been through enough of them. But the past few months, God has been silent with me. No matter what I did, or what I prayed, I got nothing. It was a drought. I know I'm a Christian. I know I am saved. I know when I pray, God answers. But for a few months, I heard nothing. I was severely shaken by drought. There was so many things happening and changing, and I just needed to trust in the knowledge I already had about God. God has been teaching me lots of things through this. I learned to hear Him more clearly by studying His word. Really studying it. I learned my ways are NOT His ways. And after making lots and lots of changes to my life, I hear Him now. You know, when you prune a tree and you have to cut so much of it off you think maybe you actually killed it that time? That was me. I had to cut so much off I wasn't sure it was survivable. But it was. Barely:) People always say to me that God is trying to "make you stronger" to handle something in the future. I wholeheartedly disagree. God's not interested in my strength. He wants me to realize how weak I am, and know I can't get through any of it without Him. Now, I'm not saying we can't have strengths and use them for God's glory. What I'm saying is, when things are difficult, if I get through it on MY strength alone, that's not God honoring. He wants me to get through it on His. In my weakness, His strength can show. There is no possible way I would have made it through this last time in my life without God. Had I turned my back on Him, and tried to use my strength, I'm not sure my Christian walk would have ever recovered. It was make it or break it time. I am by no means all the way better, but I'm on my way. I changed a lot of my bad habits, moved myself to a place where I feel I'm being built up instead of constantly tore down. Positive changes are in the works, and I'm moving up. I know there's no way I can put into words exactly what this last few months has been like for me. At least not in one blog post:) But I made it through the worst of it, and I'm still seeking God. I think that counts as a win.